 |
| Piss off |
Fortunately, after years of it's rotting carcass being pillaged and raped again & again by moronic teenagers in oversized Radiohead t-shirts and desperate middle-aged men who bought guitars instead of having affairs during their collective mid-life crises, the Guardian newspaper declared indie rock dead this morning.
In an incredibly predictable and trite article, Dorian Lynskey, which, by the way, is a stupid name for anyone, suggested that declining sales figures for guitar-based bands and a distinct lack of Brit-pop appearing in Q Magazine means that the once sexually frustrating genre of "indie" has finally shuffled off this mortal coil, staring at it's shoes whilst it's mum tells it to get a haircut.
The reaction to this, well I say news, it's hardly new information is it, has been overwhelmingly positive. The vast majority of people say they're overjoyed that skinny and socially awkward male teenagers have been downloading cracked copies of Pro Tools instead of buying amplifiers, resulting in much quieter cul-de-sacs up & down the country. Similarly, sales of oversized headphones have increased 400% in the last five years, as well as the ecstacy industry experiencing a brief renaissance.
When we interviewed local "indie music" fan David Cameron, he refused to acknowledge the death of his favourite genre: "but I've only just discovered Parachutes! Still, Mylo Xyloto did have a lot of weird synthesizers on it..."
Meanwhile, avant-garde composer Toby Diver is ecstatic that his obtuse, gothic, jazz-fusion inspired guitar music will no longer be put alongside excess copies of Idlewild's seminal album The Remote Part.
J. Slammer
No comments:
Post a Comment