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| You poor, poor man |
Quickly back-pedalling after issuing a, frankly, incompetent statement regarding plans to move towards a 'John Lewis' style economy, Nick Clegg today unveiled new plans for a more T.K. Maxx based economic model.
Stating that giving employees a share in the economy was utterly ridiculous and irresponsible, Clegg quickly devised a plan to have Britain's GDP strewn across the country in bargain bins and crammed into ill-matching boxes on inaccessible shelves with confusing labels attached to them.
Rather than ushering in an age of "responsible capitalism", it is felt this new brand of fiscal policy, called "clusterfuckonomics", will weed out the weak from the strong, as they are crushed underneath the heels of more athletic people with dexterous fingers, used to flicking through row-upon-row of oddly-sized jumpers on broken railings.
Clegg was dissuaded from his original plan after Liberal-Democrat backbenchers told him that it was exactly this sort of ridiculous gibberish which would incinerate the last vestiges of credibility he may have possessed, condemning their entire party for decades to come.
When questioned where this would leave people who were too busy working to scramble around behind piles of damaged trainers and Ed Harvey jeans, Clegg replied "fuck 'em".
Archibald Egg
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